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Home is where the heart is,
and where each brand new start is.
For plans and dreams and pain,
with everything to gain.
A haven for the brain,
to keep you safe and sane.
For peace of mind and happiness,
and shelter from the rain.
copyright@emmasharn2010
Oh weirdo knocking on my door, you rang my bell five times before.
Late at night, before lunch hour, no privacy, you take my power.
Too afraid to tell you no, instead I wait for you to go.
I nod and smile, I’m too polite, you take advantage of my plight.
I do not know how to say, ‘oh you weirdo go away!’
copyright@emmasharn2010
Somebody has given me a present I don’t want,
before they guess what I am thinking, I put on a front.
Now I have to smile, and look so grateful when I'm not
especially because it’s free, and I don’t have a lot.
It is really useless and I wish I could return it,
my house is full of clutter, it would make more sense to burn it.
I’m too scared to pass it on, in case it gets discovered,
I would rather die than let my secret be uncovered.
The value of our friendship is much greater than the truth,
besides if they found out, I’d be afraid they’d hit the roof.
copyright@emmasharn2010
I’m a nice lady who works as a guide, in this tourist place.
You wouldn’t look twice if you think I’m nice, but I can show my nasty face.
I have a plan, assertive I am, I’ll tell you ‘No cameras in here.’
I’ll get the result that you want to bolt, my manner makes you shed a tear.
I have such power, at you I will glower, authority does make me high,
if I am firm then maybe you’ll learn, my manner is far from shy.
I cannot be nice with eyes like ice, as I angrily storm your way,
using bad tone as I dig with my bone, I like to ruin your day.
I add sarcasm to kill the orgasm, of you enjoying this place,
only you know how I let myself show, as I am rude to your face.
It’s not about photos not being allowed, I know you don’t mean any harm,
but it made me feel good like no staff ever should,
to spoil your mood with this charm.
Treating you like a child, I’ll drive you wild, by snatching your dignity,
now you won’t come back for fear of attack,
I should have been nice and just smiled.
You cannot say that you had a nice day, my malice flew round in your head,
I was so mean, now you’re not very keen,
the thought of it fills you with dread.
copyright@emmasharn2010
The Queen Bee of the office, is employed to tell you ‘No’.
The second you are seen, you are assessed as friend or foe,
you will not be spared, if you don’t take the hint and go.
Everything you say, she does her utmost to ignore,
God help you if you’re adamant, and try to argue more.
Obviously you have never met her kind before,
she takes a step towards you, pushing you back through the door.
Don’t mess with the Queen Bee, she’s more powerful than you,
with a veneer of politeness she assumes you won’t see through.
She stares at you in silence, hoping to intimidate,
and then repeats her answer ‘No,’ till you run for the gate.
Even when you prove her wrong, she tries hard to deny it,
her job is to wear you down, make you feel like an eejit.
copyright@emmasharn2010
Oh maths is really not a joke,
I strained my brain until it broke.
My brain is like a one-way street,
but new ideas I have to meet.
From this black hole I won’t retreat,
I will not admit defeat.
copyright@emmasharn2010
My glasses are spectacular, don’t you think?
Before I got them, I couldn’t see a wink.
It made me start to wonder, how they ever got invented
by some poor sod who couldn’t see, and that drove him demented.
So he stared in sorrow at his glass cup in the morning,
held it up into the light, as he screamed out a warning,
‘I am gonna throw this, I am sick of being blind!’
and hesitated just as it had crossed his clever mind,
that this glass was the cure for sight,
the technique he must find.
copyright@emmasharn2010
You are so judgemental; you take me for a fool
you think I’m not intelligent, if I’m not from your school.
If I was, then you would give me much more dignity
that wouldn’t be worth anything, for how you treated me.
I saw your true colours, when you thought I was beneath you
so now I’m on your level, I demand that you continue.
Attitude is everything, and so is honesty,
so if you can’t do either one, you won’t get through to me.
copyright@emmasharn2010
I’d love to give up smoking, but I cannot stand the pain.
I quit fags for a minute and then I go insane,
so I feel like a failure when I need to smoke again.
I block my ears to people who have given up so far,
I try not to imagine how my lungs are full of tar.
Out of sight is out of mind, it’s me who bears the scar.
I’ll stop when I am ready, I will gather strength again.
I know that it will happen, so it doesn’t matter when.
copyright@emmasharn2010
Shame on you for being mean and spoiling peoples’ day,
showing such bad attitude after tourists pay.
You stormed across the floor to me as if it was a race,
not content with being firm, you glare right in my face.
Your manner was quite hostile as you snapped ‘No cameras here’
using a bad tone of voice, controlling me with fear.
You didn’t just inform me that no photos are allowed,
you reprimanded me as if I was a naughty child.
It was so demeaning, I was really quite put down,
and then you were sarcastic, which really made me frown.
Why couldn’t you just tell me of the policies in place,
what did you need to prove by showing such a nasty face?
It wasn’t very welcoming to be attacked this way,
it spoiled my enjoyment, I was having a nice day.
I feel that as a tourist I am really being used,
as after I have paid the fee, I’m just getting abused.
You won’t gain in the future, I won’t let you do this twice,
you would have got more custom, if you had been nice.
copyright@emmasharn2010
I am a scumbag and I am a leech,
I come prepared with my little speech.
I’ve no self respect and I have none for you,
show me some kindness that I’ll misconstrue.
My best card is the sympathy vote,
I get you to weaken from being a goat.
I’ll cross all the boundaries that you have set,
teach you a lesson that you won’t forget.
I suggest actions that I make you take,
crossing me might be your biggest mistake.
Don’t call my bluff because I’ll fall apart,
I’ll have to begin the same game from the start.
copyright@emmasharn2010
I am a scrounger, and I am a cheat,
I cannot budget, so I’m on the street.
I won’t change my ways, I go begging instead
alienate all of the people I led.
It’s not a question of whether I’m fed,
how I am broke is a question I dread.
I make you feel that you have to give,
taking advantage, so that I can live.
I’m not always humble, at times I’m a pig,
I have no shame, and at you I will dig.
I ask you now why you won’t donate,
even though it’s not my right to dictate.
copyright@emmasharn2010
I’m a pub owner, and I’m your best friend,
the minute you’re broke, our friendship will end.
On alcohol I will make sure you depend,
I dictate how much you will spend.
I listen to stories, and smile and pretend,
even though you’re driving me round the bend.
To feed your addiction means profit to me,
beyond euro coins, no more do I see.
I am everyone’s local drug dealer,
I may put you in need of a healer.
copyright@emmasharn2010
Just because you are a prude, don’t try to censor me
I’ve had enough of watching your superiority.
Why do you expect my thoughts to be the same as yours?
I’ve had a different life to you, including all it’s wars.
Who are you to judge me, you have never seen my shoes!
Let alone step into them, of course you cannot lose.
It must be very easy for you, looking down at me,
when I have hit the floor of life, and you are floating free.
The next time that you judge me, and assume I’m being crude
listen to the point I make, you’ll find that it’s not rude.
Some things need to be described, in words quite loud and clear
otherwise it’s lukewarm, and the point does not come near.
It’s me who is the artist, only I can think my thoughts
no-one else can write them for me, when I’m out of sorts.
In any case, I do not read them out for your approval,
and I really do not give a damn, if you think I’m a fool.
The only thing I care about is being who I am,
developing my nature, as much as I can.
I can tell you something that you may not know before,
I had a life of censorship and headed for the door.
I had a great deal of abuse and many tragedies,
my life has qualified me to say what I want, with ease.
After what I’ve been through, I won’t pussyfoot around,
I refuse to be afraid to ever make a sound.
copyright@emmasharn2010
A penis behaves like someone with power.
When I get close, it stands like a tower.
Aroused at the prospect of putting me down,
you get an orgasm making me frown.
You live in hope that I’ll run from the town,
you don’t approve of each verb and noun.
My work isn’t poetry, it’s a disgrace,
it’s funny how you can’t say ‘no’ to my face.
A rejection letter maintains your elation,
multiple orgasms for the nation.
You’re so conventional, such a closed mind,
I know you enjoy being very unkind.
I think you imagine your shit doesn’t stink,
or that you’ve never had sex, wink wink.
Before you ejaculate, do you restrict
all the enjoyment of being licked?
Or when you poo, do you feel ashamed
that wiping your hole is very untamed?
Oh yes, I’m the one who is vulgar and dirty,
you must remind me that I made you shirty.
My words are blunt, so the meaning is clear,
no I won’t use metaphors, I face my fear.
copyright@emmasharn2010
I love to potter about, a hobby I can’t live without.
It comes naturally to me, and when I do it, I feel free.
To shape and mould and bake, exciting things I make.
So proud am I to be, the Queen of Pottery.
copyright@emmasharn2010
You are so impatient, and you’re getting vexed with me
but it’s justified, as you are stressed today you see.
Because you’re a ‘professional’ you cannot kick and punch,
so when I came along, you thought you’d eat me for your lunch.
Get out your frustration, go on, spit it out at me
I love to be your toilet bowl, I have no dignity.
I’ll pretend to play along, now I am your fool
we’ll pretend that it’s okay, to let your malice rule.
Your stress gave you all the reason, that you’ll ever need,
to do these things to people, and try to make them bleed.
I have smiled in sympathy, I hope it plants a seed
when I come back tomorrow, I might see a change indeed.
copyright@emmasharn2010
Poison Pie lady, my god you are shady.
The way you treat everyone, you are no lady.
Openly telling me, you resent others
after the nightclub, dragging their lovers.
‘That never went on, not in my day’
What planet are you on? Are you here to stay?
Your shop is open 24 hours,
I pity anyone under your powers.
The pie I had bought, I thought it was cheese
the smell it gave off, would never please.
It turned out to be chicken and mushroom,
the next 24 hours were full of gloom.
I was so sick from it, I couldn’t twitch
it got me to thinking that you were a bitch,
is this how you punish the locals who party?
After midnight, god help all the tarty!
I think you’re a virgin, if cooking’s to go by
the way to a man’s heart, it ain’t through your pie.
I know you’re frustrated, you hate young’ uns freedom,
when they misbehave and get loud, how you hate ‘em.
They come in the shop just to tease you with malice
perhaps you deserve it, your shop is no palace.
It’s not just the pie, all the chips that you fried
were so full of sunflower oil, they had died.
I barely picked one up with my finger
‘twas dripping all over, the grease did linger.
The oil even stained the brown paper bag
now it resembles a slimy wet rag.
For others it’s easy, they’d just blame the drink
and come back next week, unable to think.
You are the vulture, to punish with hate
all the young rowdy ones who irritate.
Your day is coming, when someone will sue
this poem is telling you what you must do.
copyright@emmasharn2010
Here is a poet who is such a bore,
let me escape, I can’t take any more.
When we all clapped, I thought that was the end,
of feeling the need to act and pretend.
Just listening tortured me into a sleep,
I fell to the floor in an agonised heap.
I look around for a clear path to go,
if I’m discreet, nobody will know.
It would be wise not to stay till the end,
because if I do, I will go round the bend.
Each time I find an asshole like you, I consider it material for my art.
Get yourself a patient phone manner, or is that too much of a new start?
The line went off, on and off, just as you recited a number.
I asked you to repeat, saying “Sorry” all the time.
I gave you permission to sharpen your voice.
My manner dictated how yours would become,
just as yours can dictate mine.
If I had been more confident, less apologetic,
should I have been grateful, to have a pig like you eat from my hand?
No one else except yourself, do you understand.
You are so important, and your stress gave you permission to be rude.
Go and get screwed.
